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Month: November 2010

Wifey Wednesday: Ways of Connecting

Last week Sheila introduced the idea that women, being relational and emotional, often need to talk before moving on to *other things*.

I can totally relate to the imaginary story she wrote about- thinking of milk and cleaning the fridge. Why I don’t even like cleaning the fridge yet it has been known to spring to mind! One thing that I’ve learned is that whilst we both have different needs and different ways of expressing ourselves there is a time for both. There are times when we have been separated due to work and, being a woman, I needed to connect with my husband in an emotional way before anything else. However this was not quite how he felt! I’ve learned that this isn’t wrong. he isn’t treating me as an object rather it is his way of connecting with me. For me, emotional connectedness and relating ideally come before any physical intimacy yet this is not often the case for males. By having an attitude of serving and giving I’ve found that both our needs can be met- just not at the same time. When a husband has a similar attitude then it’s likely that he’ll reach the same premise. It’s quite logical to accept that emotional and physical connection doesn’t happen at the same time. The circumstances often dictate which happens first but I’ve found that it’s quite possible for both needs to be met.

They key, for us, is to each look to the needs of each other first and have an Ephesians 5 mindset.

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife , and the two shall become one flesh . This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:21-33

I am putting more emphasis upon our mariage as our children get older. Whilst not wishing the time to pass quickly until they leave home, I am aware that one day the children will have left the nest and be out in the world- leaving just John and I. I look forward to that time but don’t want to be like many marriages that fall apart once the children have left, simply because the couple forgot how to communicate and got on with living their own lives, neglecting the importance of togetherness. As regular readers know, when I focus on an area in my life it is bound to show up on my blog. 🙂

Wifey Wednesday: Greeting Him

For awhile now I've wanted to take part in the Wife Wednesday meme but Sheila posts on Wednesday  US time, which is Thursday here in Australia. I've contemplated a few ways to get around it but the easiest way is for me to post on last week's topic. So that's what I'm going to do!

Last week Sheila wrote about saying hello and greeting one's husband.

John's homecoming from work is a pivotal point in our day. Our other activities hinge around this point. Being a SAHM has allowed me to prepare for John's arrival from work. Since we've been back here in SA he has to travel an hour to and from work on a very windy and dangerous road. I like to have the kettle warmed and something to eat for him. I try to look fairly presentable and not to be too busy with my own things for when he gets through the door. Doesn't always happen and he is fine with it, but it is my focus point.

Throughout the years his homecoming has looked different but that's because family life always looks different, depending upon the season of life we're in... and the ages of the children.

Currently, we (those who are home) zip around the house and do a quick tidy about 4.30pm. John gets home about 5pm and the boys go outside and help him in with his stuff. I greet him at the door and we share a quick kiss while the boys make us a cuppa. Then we all tend to congregate in the lounge-room and share about our day. This is quite possibly my favourite time of the day. I want home to be a special place, a place where family members love to be and greeting them is an important part in building this.

When the children were little I encouraged each child to think of something special that only they could do for daddy.  It was to be their job for when he got home. This wasn't done in a slavish way instead I used it as a training opportunity... to teach the children how to show appreciation and how to think of others. One of the girls would make the cuppa's while the other would make sure that John's chair and 'area' were tidied. Now that the girls are older and either left home or not home when he gets home it is the boys turn. It isn't about being male or female, it's about showing appreciation and serving one another.

I try to ask John how his day has been and give him plenty of room to talk before I start blabbing on about my day. Of course being the talker that I am this doesn't always work. Sometimes it seems that he doesn't even want to talk about his day and - maybe he doesn't! Other days he does. It's all fine with me... I have come to accept that he doesn't need to flap his gums as much as I do.

This might all seem a little extreme to some but I know what I like and don't like when I've been out for a few hours or even away from the home. It's nice to have my loved ones take a little effort and let me know that they missed me and that they think I'm a bit special. And my man is special... I enjoy showing him my love and appreciation.